J.I. Packer wrote a book entitled A Grief Sanctified. It serves as his summary of Richard Baxter’s Memoirs of his wife’s life and death.  I came across a few thoughts that helped me greatly in processing my own grief over the death of my friends.

I pass them along to you in hopes that God will fulfill the promise of Isaiah 61:1-3 in your life: "The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified."

Packer defines grief as "the inward desolation that follows the losing of something or someone we loved – a child, a relative, an actual or anticipated life partner, a pet, a job, one’s home, one’s hopes, or one’s health.  It is the experiential, emotional fruit of a bereavement event where you experience a state of desolation and isolation, of alternating apathy and agony, of inner emptiness and exhaustion."

He then explains what it means to sanctify our grief. He says that "all life must be managed in such a way that it is sanctified; that is, all activities must be performed, and all experiences received and responded to, in a way that honors God, benefits others as far as possible, and helps us forward in our knowledge and enjoyment of God here as we travel home to the glory of heaven hereafter” (p. 188).  Whether those experiences are pleasant or painful.

“When through the deep waters I call you to go,
the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with you, your troubles to bless,
and sanctify to you your deepest distress.”
-- Hymn “How Firm a Foundation”

How may an experience be sanctified?
1.    By relating it to the truth of the gospel, so that we understand it in biblical and evangelical terms; by letting it remind us of truths we might otherwise forget or not take seriously; and by disciplining our hearts to accept it in an appropriate way—with gratitude or self-humbling or whatever.
2.    Of what truths should a grieving a loss remind us?  That God is sovereign (nothing occurs apart from his overruling will), we are mortal, and that heaven and hell are real.  No one says it better than Max Lucado in his book, Six Hours One Friday:  "Our lives are not futile, our sins are not fatal, and our deaths are not final."

How can such a condition be sanctified? 
1.    Start where you are, do what you can to move toward the thanksgiving, submission, and patience that is mentioned below.
2.    Do not let your grief loosen your grip on the goodness and grace of your loving Lord.
3.    Cry (for there is nothing biblical or Christian or indeed human, about the stiff upper lip).
4.    Tell God your sadness (several of the Psalms will supply words for this purpose).
5.    Pray as you can and don’t try to pray as you can’t.
6.    Avoid well-wishers who think they can cheer you up, but thank God for any who are content to be with you and do things for you without talking at you.
7.    Talk to yourself about the loved one you lost.
8.    Do not try to hurry your way out of the inner weakness you feel; grieving takes time.
9.    Look to God as thankfully, submissively, and patiently as you can.
10.    Grieving properly leads us back to thinking properly, living properly, and praising properly.  God sees to that!  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4).

To what exercises of mind and heart (attitudes and actions) should grieving lead us?
1.    The exercise of thanksgiving for all that we valued and enjoyed in the person we have lost and, in the case of a believer, for the happiness to which we know that he or she has now been promoted.
2.    The exercise of submission to God, as we resign to him the loved one he has taken from us, confess to him that we had no claim on the continuance of that loved one’s earthly life, and consciously put ourselves in his hands for whatever future experiences he has in mind for us.
3.    The exercise of patience, which is a compound of endurance and hope, as we live through our grief on a daily basis.